Although the things on the top of my mind are mostly his parents (again, yes I know), I am going to try to do some things on my to-do list to keep me preoccupied.

So, here is an abbreviated version of the things I am supposed to do today:

• Clean the apartment. Although I will not finish this task today, I figured that folding the clean laundry, doing the dishes and folding up the bags laying all over the place were good places to start.


• Write Thank You cards. Again, will not finish this today. But if I finish the ones from the first shower and send off a Thank You card (already written) for a Birthday gift I received (money) from my Godparents then I'll be good. Maybe I won't finish the ones from the first shower, but getting organized helps.


• Finish sending off invitations. I know I said I finished this earlier, or at least I have said it in real life, but some people have been added to the list. I can not remember all of them, but I have their names written down somewhere. I feel really bad about sending them this late (3 weeks away), but oh well. They are getting them - right? It takes a lot of work to put these together and lots of not goofing off. Let's see if I can handle this.


• Eating right today. I have, for a while now, been on a diet. It is a pretty good diet which consists of not eating at fast food places and eating nice healthy things we have in the fridge, like grapes and apples, but I have not been totally awesome about staying on it. Too be honest, I feel lighter and I look a little slimmer. I can tighten my belt to the last notch. But the scale very kindly reminds me that I have not lost a single ounce. This is not uncommon among diets, says my friend who gave me the "guidelines" for this diet, to not see weight loss for a while. But every time she sees me eat she gives me a head shake. You know those head shakes, the discouraging ones.


• Go to my final dress fitting. This is the reason I must stick to my diet for today. Although yesterday I was doing very well until we went to my fiance's parents' house and ate greasy steaks, corn on the cob (with butter and salt... mmmmmm...), white rice (also with butter and salt... mmmmm...). If you knew how this lady cooks, you'd realize that butter and salt were necessary. But I must be good today so I can fit into my dress. Last time it fit snug, very snug. I did not like that, hence the diet. It appears as though I have not lost any weight, but I have not gained any either. So that is good.

So that is supposed to be my day today. Progress will probably be posted tomorrow. I do not know what to get started on first, but am not looking forward to any of it and have been getting frusterated more and more easily as the wedding gets closer and closer. Sometimes I cannot even look at the apartment because it is so messy and I wish I had more help, in terms of cleaning it. My fiance has not been helpful, and he fully admits this, says he wants to change and then does not change.

The ironic/hypocritical thing is that we have talked many times about how one person should not have to carry the full load of household duties (no one person should be a maid) and we should work together, because that is the only good and fully-equitable distribution of chores that we can agree on but it almost never happens that way. I do not believe that relationships are meant to be this way. It has to balance out eventually, right? Or at least there are balanced situations that do exist - right? Will write more later. Must work on "to-do's" for today. I refuse to get nothing done today.