#mtbos #SundayFunday #goals

It's been a while since I blogged (obviously) and kind of embarrassing really.  I have such a long history with my blog (well at least it's been open and available - ready for me to use since June 2005-ish).  I enjoy blogging, am not really sure why I don't do it more often.  I ask myself this "why don't you blog more?" and can't come up with a compelling argument.

Honestly, I've had a lot on my plate.  I could cut myself some slack there.  There's a lot going on for me personally and professionally and I could go into detail - but I'll bore you.  Well maybe not, but it makes me mysterious - no?

I think in order to reboot myself I'll have to give myself some permission, some leeway to just hit #pushsend and let the entire internet see my thoughts with only a little bit of editing.  I think that's where I get lost.  I can't speak for anyone else but I can say that I want my posts to have some good substance in them.  I want my blog to be something more.

If you could have only see what my blog used to look like.  I tweaked the HTML code to have some beautiful features.  Then there was an update and I never went back to add them back in.  Maybe I'll do that, but maybe I won't.  See what I'm talking about?  Permission.  It's ok not to have every single feature that I used to have.  It's ok not to make every single blog post a huge production and have a billion or so links to everything.  It's ok and I have to give myself that permission.

I didn't get to go to TMC.  Oh how I wish I could go.  Especially back in time ;).  It seems really fun to go and get ideas.  Those in attendance do such a great job documenting their experience that sometimes it feels like I'm there.  But there is a difference between going to something and just gleaming from others experiences.  But that #pushsend - whoa.  It really did hit Twitter like a ton of bricks.  Well maybe just #mtbos - but that's the community I feel like I belong to.

Do I participate in every twitter chat?  No.

Do I blog about every lesson I teach?  No.

Do I consistently blog? or tweet?  No.

I'm probably one of the worst at being consistent.  I'm the worst at sending out content.  I read and I comment every once in a great while but mostly I read.  I read, have an opinion, read more, change my opinion, read more, change back, and the cycle continues.  I find something, want to try it in my classroom, find it works, keep doing it, find it doesn't work, tweak, keep going until the end of the school year, reflect, plan, rinse, repeat.

But I still feel like I can search up #mtbos and read about things other people are trying and doing.  These are other people who are like me who are doing stuff and documenting it.  Are some of them better at documenting than I am?  Sure they are!  Are some of them strongly-opinion-ed about some things?  Yes!  Do I sometimes feel like a fly on the wall about things?  Certainly.  But I've found some sort of kinship with this group and I love it.

I'm intrigued by this #iteachmath vs. #mtbos debate discussion.

I certainly do teach math.  I think anyone who explains in any depth some relational and rational reasoning skills teaches math.  To me math and logic go hand and hand.  If you use reasoning in any argumentation you somehow tangentially are teaching critical thinking to your audience.  Maybe this stretches the definition a little too much for some people but bear with me here.

I have a blog, am on twitter and sometimes pose questions via the #mtbos.  I'm not sure what it means to be "part" of the community exactly.   Once I found out about #mtbos I did spend some time lurking (just a bit) but the reality was that I also just jumped right in.

My very first tweet:

putting together some elements for my teaching portfolio; anyone have any inspiration for me?

— Vanessa Garcia (@Vanes63) June 9, 2009

My very first use of #mtbos (and it was a retweet nonetheless!):

Easter is Sunday... How many Peeps are made & sold each year? Lets do the math: http://t.co/bniFWvUBRs #mathchat #mtbos #5thchat #pblchat

— Brian Marks (@Yummymath) April 17, 2014

I'd say first authentic use of #mtbos:

Help! Writing a Q where I want Ss 2 sketch a function & verbally explain trans. - it's transformed from a parent function. #MTBoS #mathchat

— Vanessa Garcia (@Vanes63) October 24, 2014

So I can see there's a long history there.  As with some families, if you go for a while you can come back and they will welcome your return.  So this is my return to blogging.  Took a long time to get to my point (as I'm often long-winded) but my goal for this year is to consistently blog.  Even if it's once a week.  I'm going to make sure to #pushsend and give myself permission to not be perfect and not always make sense and not always have substantial amounts of information or whatever.  So here's to making blogging a consistent habit.

CMC North '16 Post: 2 of n

I am still mentally unpacking all of the great things I learned about and thought about while at Asilomar for CMC North '16.  I'm always besides myself with how many different things I could be doing differently and what those changes in my practice could look and feel like.

Let me start with the Mini-Conference session on a Transformational Approach to Geometry by Lew Douglas and Henri Picciotto.

One of my colleagues asked our Principal if he could go and he thought it would be a good idea if one of our Geometry team members went with him - so I ended up being able to go "early" to this wonderful session.

At the beginning Henri and Lew presented the idea that we'd have to (at least partially) re-define the way that we define specific Geometric terms and we would have to become more comfortable with students giving informal arguments because we should reserve formal proofs for the really important things (yay!).  I whole-heartedly agree.

When I took Geometry we spent almost all of our time proving.  While it was fun for me (I guess it shouldn't have been a really big surprise to me that I became a math teacher!) I now wonder about my classmates.  How many of them were turned off by the 180 degree turn into the land of proofs?

Students should always have to justify their reasoning (SMP3), construct viable arguments and critique the reasoning of others in all of their classes.  Math makes people reasonable, right?

But does it have to be a 2-column proof every time?  Can't a student explain something to me and that's enough?  If students are using language to convey meaning in a meaningful way then I feel plenty satisfied with that.

I'm a big fan of flow proofs so oftentimes when I begin to venture into the land of formalization I use flow proofs to soften the blow.  A tiny bit visual and a tiny bit less formal than the 2-column cousin.  I'm not saying we shouldn't ask students to write about mathematics and I'm not asking or advocating that 2-column proofs be stricken from classrooms but it was at least a little bit vindicating to hear others say that we should reserve the formalization for when we really need it.

Was that their main point?  No.  Transformational Geometry takes a different way of thinking about justifications for proof and it also takes a more relational-thinking approach as opposed to always thinking about properties and definitions.  Again, not that you don't use properties and definitions but it just takes a back seat to relations of objects.

What would happen if this was an angle bisector?  What does this mean for reflections?  What do I know about points that are reflections?  What properties are true for reflected images?  I really think this is a great way to get students to think about the relationships that different Geometric objects have with each other and to get students to create their own line of questioning in order to get themselves to the right place.  I can't verify that this will but I'd like to think that moving towards using Transformations as a basis for getting students to justify their reasoning by using their language and understanding as opposed to forcing them to use words that aren't naturally their own.

Just an opinion.  Agree or disagree - it's up to you.  Also, it would probably be rare (possible, not probable) that you sat in the same session that I did and it's my right to disagree with myself tomorrow even!  But these are the ravings of a almost-on-the-final-stretch-can't-wait-for-all-of-my-finals-to-be-over-teacher and it's getting late.  I apologize in advanced for any inadvertent craziness I may have typed.  

CMC North '16 Post: 1 of n

Fresh off of coming back from CMC North 2016 I write to you while passively watching Gilmore Girls (original series, I'm not caught up enough for the new Netflix part just yet) and eating Mountain Mike's pizza :).

There's always so much to think about and debrief after CMC North so I'm trying to figure out exactly how to approach all of this.

I attended a huge variety of sessions:

• Mini-Conference session on a Transformational Approach to Geometry by Lew Douglas and Henri Picciotto 
• Co-Teaching: Mathematical Practices For All Students by Noirin Foy and Valerie Ruiz 
• Computing Transformations Using Complex Numbers and Matrices by Henri Picciotto 
• Building Understanding Through Discourse by Rick Barlow and Madison Miller 
• Summative Assessment Without Testing: Successful Examples by Masha Albrecht 
• Make the Way: Student Agency, Authority, and Identity by Brent Jackson and Joan Easterday

Of course there are also the keynotes too!  Amazing stuff!  I haven't even unpacked my bag or notes (and I've got a LOT of notes!)... I don't even think I've unpacked my car 0_o.  

I resurfaced on Twitter over the conference so that was good.  I think that's what I've appreciate the most about CMC North.  It re-awakens me to rethink many different aspects of my teaching practice.  

During @Zakchamp's Keynote on Sunday morning the "we should test less and assess more" vibe was prevalent.  This really dove-tailed with some pieces I got from @Rickbrlw and @MatheMadison session about discourse.  

SO, for now all I know is that my Warm-Up routine for tomorrow will probably change.  I don't want to "make it through" the next 2 weeks but for my sanity I at least have to survive through them.  With a good nights' sleep I can ensure that my students get the best version of me that I can present to them tomorrow and I can go from there.  Lots of moving pieces but I know that debriefing the sessions one by one would probably be best for me.  

While I was there I did mention that someone should put together a Google Doc with those bit.ly URLs from all of the sessions.  It'd be good/great for someone to compile a list like this.  Maybe with a Google form or something?  idk.  Something to think about?  Anyone want to volunteer for this?  

I've had a bad day, again

I don't know why bad days are attracted to me. It must be my awesome personality and attractiveness.

Besides not getting to really see my husband today, being excluded from an event yesterday, not being happy with how things are going in my life right now and feeling very dead-end about certain things.

Oh! Let's not forget that while doing group work in class, I lent out my Teachers Edition of the text to one of the groups and they did not give it back to me so now I have visions of students photo-copying my book (yikes!).

What good would the answers do for them anyways?

But that is besides the point. How is your day?

Misconceptions

Well, you can guess that a lot of things have happened since I last posted.

I did pretty well on my exam. Although my score was not fantastic - it was the 2nd highest grade in the class. For that I am particularly happy because I thought I was not understanding at all and now I feel as though I have some understanding.

I hope to have a better grade on the next exam, although I do not know when that will be.

I am having problems with students, and misconceptions, but do not want to devulge. Maybe I will find a way to do it later but who knows.

Effectively, my students are making me feel like crap because they think I am treating them in a completely different way than how I feel I am treating them. It is very upsetting and I do not know how class will go this week because of it.

We will have to see how it all goes. I am feeling very sick because of it and it does not help that my body is trying to kill me. Not literally, but figuratively.

Cross your fingers that on all homework fronts I will be able to catch up. Their homework and my own.

Must cut this short for homework purposes. I hope I step away from the computer soon...

Game Day Recap

I do have to say, when I exited that exam I do not know what I was thinking.

For one, I should have gone over my definitions a little more thoroughly, he did ask some relatively easy definitions on the first question and for that I am thankful. But the 4th or so question had to do with giving a definition and sketching a proof and I do not know if that question was sufficiently answered.

I really cannot say how I did until I get the test back, hopefully today. Not that many people took the exam. I mean, when you start out with around 6 students and 2 students intend on dropping, how many students are going to take the exam?

So today could be a relatively good day or bad day, depending on the results of this exam. Fortunately, I will not get the exam back until the end of the day - so that is good. If I did badly I will not mention it to many other people. If I did well, it will be the main thing I talk about on Friday.

The main thing I am wondering about is, should you really compare yourself to your classmates? Personal performance is really what matters on exams, but you cannot help but wonder how you compare to the other players - right?

There is a particularly brilliant student in my class and some other hardworking students in my class, I really do not want to do badly compared to them not only because I want to do well, but if I do badly compared to the person next to me - what am I missing?

I suppose that the feeling comes from the idea that you do not want to not understand the material and if the person next to you does understand and they did perform well, why did you not understand?

Not to say that your understanding should be measured off of someone else's understanding. Those measures could be skewed by someone who has already taken a similar course, or has a special circumstance that allows them to prepare more than you (no job and no financial obligations = more study time) - why should you compare yourself to someone who has an advantage in the course?

The course where everyone believes I am a genius is one in which I have seen most of the material before. Now, the question becomes - did I really understand it? I did think that I would not understand it enough such that I felt it was necessary to register for the course, that is sure. But I did not know the material would be taught in a way that would culminate semesters worth of material for me.

The courses that I have taken that have already proven useful for this course are well over 50% of the mathematics courses I have taken, and even some philosophy courses (particularly logic). So my background may be more recent than other students and also may be more fresh in my mind, why should other students compare themselves to me?

In this particular class I do feel as though the other students treat me as infallible. Whenever I make a comment, it must be true. No matter how assinine my comment is. To be honest, I have never made an assinine comment in that class or in any of my other classes because that is not how I am. But I do get the feeling that other students treat me differently because they think I am smart, which may or may not be the case.

I have special circumstances that allow me to do well in the course, regardless of how much I study. The question becomes, do I want to do well or do I want to do better than just well in this course?

I had the option of changing my schedule very early on in the semester, I could have pushed to get all of my paperwork in order and tried to take another course that I would not have been prepared for, or taken a geometry course that sounds exciting, but would have made me stay late at school 4 days out of the week instead of the 2 days out of the week that I am staying right now.

Who knows what would have happened if I was in the other class. Maybe I would be freaking out because of the amount of work from that class and from other classes that I intend to take, but only time will tell I suppose.

For my own sake, and that of others, comparing just seems like an overall bad idea. How you do in a course should not at all be factored into by how others in the course do. Sure, you should try to study with other people and bounce ideas off of them, etc., but does that mean that you should beat yourself up because someone did better than you? Of course not. As long as your own understanding of the material is growing than that is all that matters.

I really hope I do not receive a horrible grade on this exam, that is all I really want. I want at least a passing grade. Normally, I would not say that, but I have heard this instructor is particularly rigorous. I should be excited if I get a passing grade, right? I will probably push myself harder if the grade I receive is only passing and nothing special beyond that. My sleep patterns will definitely change, as if they have not already, and I will be working harder and harder to develop the understanding that I need in order to do well in the course. Better than well - fantastic.

I am going to work on making some lesson plans for the rest of the week and, depending on how time goes, maybe even early next week. It would be nice to be ahead with my own worksheets but I am not holding my breath. Anytime I develop my own worksheet and I look at a co-workers worksheet I always find myself thinking, "hers looks better than mine" and it makes me think about all the time I spent on my worksheets (whenever I do develop worksheets).

But that is a discussion for another day I suppose.

Game Day

Ok, so how many "sports" have a game day on a Tuesday?

Mathematics!

Despite what some people say about proofs, etc., mathematics is a performance sport. Tests are a measure of how you can perform on a particular day, game day otherwise known as test day.

So what do I do the night before game day? Unfortunately, I do not look over the countless vocabulary cards I made, which still do not reach the few days before lecture, and it sucks because I know he will have definitions on there that I may not remember.

I do have until 6:30 pm to make sure I am prepped for this exam, but I do not know how much that will help me since my own students have a test tomorrow and will be coming to my office hours to visit with me and ask me questions. Which I do not mind since that is what my office hours are supposed to be for.

If I do poorly on this exam, at least I have the final - right? I think I will pass, but how much passing is the next question. I am about third or fourth down the line in terms of understanding the material, at least that is my estimate. I believe some other students think otherwise, but perception is skewed because of another class that all of us are taking together.

I can only hope for the best and wish to be able to prepare today moreso than other days. I want to leave for campus early so I can drop some stuff off at the office and possibly head towards the library to work on things by myself. I will not be grading more student papers today, I already graded a bunch of my other class and spent way too much time doing that so I did not finish my flash cards, but I do not blame them. I only blame myself for not starting to make index cards earlier, because I know I have a problem with vocabulary. Although I did only organize my binder a few weeks ago, it is my personal responsibility to insure that I understand the vocabulary.

Knowing vocabulary is like doing running drills, if I do not do them for weeks - how do I expect to perform well on game day?

Cross your fingers, hope for the best. Tomorrow I will post about how I think the test went, how the questions were, whether or not I caught stupid mistakes as I left the test, etc., but I will only really know how I did when I receive the results - which will probably be Thursday or next Tuesday.

Wish me luck.

New Leaves

Well, not to say I was not trying to work against the grain before, but in response to a comment on the last blog post - yes I have been trying to be more prepared, especially since the video.

The video was taken very early in the semester and after my advisor visited my class I did prepare more, although this is not something that can be seen in the video.

I do more worksheets for my students, make more problems available to them, grade on a more regular basis and pass back papers every day, maybe not all the papers I should be giving back, but I pass back more than they give me so I am catching up with the amount of papers I have to grade.

I am thinking that next semester I will raise my standards a lot. Why? Because of a MathForge article that I read about student achievement and "fun" in the classroom. The original story that prompted the article can be found on CNN.com right here.

So, if my students have less fun are they more likely to do well? To be honest, I do not hold much faith in statistics. Well, it is not that I do not hold faith in it - it is just that you can draw too many bad inferences from statistics that just are not true. For one thing, in statistics - implication does not imply causation. So the real question of why these students are doing well is still left unanswered.

Maybe since the instructor does not have to make the material "fun" and they can teach math the way mathematicians learn it the students have more material given to them and have to absorb a certain amount.

Maybe in the areas where these students are doing so well they come to class enough to get all of the material they need to learn.

Maybe in the areas where these students are doing well the students take their coursework seriously and if they do not understand the material, they work towards a better understanding of the material.

Seriously, there are a million reasons why United States mathematics education is not as effective as certain other countries mathematics education but what are the reasons that I, as a disseminator of mathematical knowledge, can effect in my classroom? Those are the things I would like to know.

Can I really, honestly effect the classroom environment? If a student interrupts my lesson consistently, how do I tell them to stop doing that if they never come by my office hours? Do I call them out about it in class? If I do that, am I being responsive to my students' questions? I lose either way. If I allow my students to ask questions, I never get through my lessons. If I do not allow my students to ask questions, they will not understand and feel that I am not being thorough.

There are so many quandaries left unanswered in my mind that I will not get to today but since I am giving my students a quiz today I must get going. I also want to see if I can grade yet one more stack of papers before I start studying for an exam I have next Tuesday. The professor said we could ask questions today and if I come up against any difficulties I want to be able to make sure to ask them instead of trying to make his office hours which are at unusual times for me. Wish me luck and hopefully, more questions will become answered as time goes on.

On the brighter side of things, since I wrote "A Sham" I have come to the realization that no, I am not a bad teacher. I do work hard to get my students the information they need for the course, but unfortunately my students are not always willing to meet me halfway. I have a ton of absences and that alone has made my job difficult. Since my students are absent, when they come back they are lost and confused because they do not understand the material we covered from before. Why does x times x equal x-squared? Because of your exponent rules, which we covered on a day you were absent... My frusteration is growing as the absences are accumulating but I do not tell my students much about showing up for class besides that it is important.

I will have to admit. One or two absences is not killing them, it is when they have 4 or 5 or more absences where they are getting in trouble and missing so much information. But this is also a blog post for another day and I really need to finish making that quiz.

A sham

I am a sham, or at least I feel like a sham. Not the kind you put over pillows, but a real has-been. Not that I ever was a "been" but anyways.

Today I had to present on a previous teaching experience I had. I had to present to a group of my collegues and some random guy I did not know. I felt nervous, as we always do during presentations - but mostly because my boss was there.

I cannot say much about what specifically happened, but I definately felt attacked. My collegues did not attack me, at least not enough to make me depressed about their comments.

But when it comes down to it, every time we have this specific seminar I always leave feeling like the worst teacher in the world. Most of the other TAs have taught before, either middle school or elementary, but I have never taught before so everything is new to me.

Not to say the training we receive has not helped me, because it certainly has. My lessons have improved drastically since I began, but there is not enough improvement to warrant my boss' approval.

Thus, I feel like a sham. I feel inadequate and small, especially when I am teaching.

A long time ago I thought this was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, is this still the case? At this point in time I cannot tell. I do know that I should probably visit my old school and see how everyone is doing, visit the campus and my old advisor to see how things are going and look for advice.

I do not feel advised here, at my current university. I feel lost and neglected, to be honest. Is this the way everyone feels? Does everyone feel this lost and disconnected with the rest of their own graduate programs? Should I feel like this? Should I feel as though I am the worst teacher ever?

I told one of my collegues that I felt as though my students lost the teacher lottery, they got the worst teacher among our bunch of TAs. I do honestly feel horrible when I come to class unprepared or back-track when I answer questions. I know my students, at least one class, is growing more and more frusterated with me. For this reason, I cannot wait until the next semester when a new bunch of students will come to my doorstep and then the opportunity will present itself to do a "do-over" of the entire semester.

Then I will know the answers to all the important questions, I can give loads of homework and not feel guilty as I grade only 2 problems out of the whole bunch so I can give my students back their homework the very next day and close out my gradebook on that assignment and never accept late work. Then I can pull out the best problems and tell them that I believe they are very important, then I will have some sort of preview to what a test can be like - these are the things that make a teacher better, right?

Since hind-sight is 20/20 I know that my boss and other TAs that have taught the class before can see my mistakes from a mile away, they have taught this course before and have been "successful" (whatever that means) at teaching the course, passing some students and moving on. I am, to some degree, afraid that so many of my students will not pass that it will become questionable whether or not I can complete my job and be effective.

But some of the burden falls on the students, right? No matter how good (or bad) of an instructor you have, if you want to learn mathematics or any other discipline, you will teach yourself if need be. Students should put effort into their courses and really work towards completing the assignments on time and to the best of their ability. Do my students do this? No. They turn in late work all the time, which backs up my grading, and they often do not pay attention to the suggestions I am giving them.

I have my own studies to worry about to, but I worry about my students work much more often than my own. I do not believe that their grade should depend on whether or not the answer is right or wrong, but more often than not it does and I cannot change that, I cannot change the system. The system is in place, and I have to abide by the rules of that system. Which often means arguing with my students about staying on schedule and keeping with the program.

I only wish my students' homework would grade itself, then I would not have a pile of grading to do every night that only grows as time passes. I wish I could discipline myself to keeping up with it, then I would have no problem grading homework and giving it back and my students would be happy and I would be happy and my boss could get off my back about it.

Either way, my issues will not resolve themselves over night. I have been accused of being unprepared and rightly so - but I have also been accused of not caring for my students' well-being and that is not so. I do care, I care a great deal but this does not manifest itself into staying up all night working on lesson plans and I believe that disappoints my employer.

I will go to sleep tonight and try to not think about the agony my students are feeling as they prepare for their exam. I have an exam of my own to study for but I do not know if I will get to that tonight at all. I may prepare myself for sleep and nodd off so I can feel refreshed tomorrow. Who knows. Tomorrow is another day, another teach, more experiences to make me feel better, or worse, about myself and my job. My life has become my job. Woe is me.

Feeling a wee bit better

Well, I was deathly ill yesterday and today I am honestly feeling a bit better. I asked my husband whether or not I should go to school and he said "no" because I told him I wasn't exactly feeling 100%. I do have late classes tonight and then early classes tomorrow morning, so maybe it is not so horrible that I am staying in today.

I did already get someone to cover my class, so that is good. I am a little weary about having this particular person cover my class, but I talked to them about the material last night and I think they are much more prepared than I would have been with the material so that makes me feel good about it.

Today it is pouring down cats and dogs. Which echoes how I am feeling about the day. Today is a depressive day because I have a ton of grading to do and no system in place to help me with it thus far. I am thinking about changing my grading system, hopefully to benefit my students, but it may (in effect) hurt some of them if they did not finish their homework.

In the department, a lot of people like to grade using "completion" as their measure for grade. What do I mean? If you did the homework you get 10 pts, if you did not do it you get 0 pts. So if you worked on a few problems, did everything completely wrong and turned it in you got 10 pts and if you really struggled on the homework, went to tutoring and did a good job of cleaning up your work then you got 10 pts.

I ask you, how is this fair?

One could argue, life is not fair. There are plenty people who get by in school, and in life, without doing a lick of work. But is this a good lesson to those who make the effort to do well despite the odds?

I have some students who are not going to pass. The have two exam grades that have placed them in the "no pass" zone. They will be *very* mad at me that they are not passing and I know I will get tons of complaints after they receive their grades back.

Although, I think they know. I think they know that they are not doing well and will continue to not do well. They may "understand" the material in class, but when they sit at home in front of their homework it does not come so easy to them. I worry about these students, do they realize that I worry about them?

I think the bigger question for me is: is it better to get them their papers back without comments and for them to feel validated about getting a grade on it? Or is it better to get them their papers back with comments and to correct their errors so they can do better on the exams?

One of the other TAs tells me that the students do not even look back at the comments on their papers, they may look back at the first few comments, but after a while the comments are lost to them - they will never read them, why write comments if the students are not going to read them? How do I know which students will read the comments and which ones won't? This seems to be an ever-growing battle against my students, or really students in general. How can I know the best way to assist you if you do not work with me (your instructor)?

I do have opinionated students, students who think they know best and who think that what they need is to see examples on the board worked out in complete detail and then to be able to replicate results. What they really need is to be able to learn how to think. I gave them an article about the college process, about learning how to think, about the type of thinking that is required of them throughout the college process. I graded the quiz I gave to them that had a question from this particular article, did it give me insight into how they think? It gave me insight into how prepared they were for class.

More than half the class did not bring the article with them. I got more blanks on that particular question than I was expecting. I thought it was an easy question to ask of them, had they put *anything* down, I would have given them credit, anything from the article that is. But did they bring the article that I told them to bring? No. When I ask them to keep a worksheet to bring to class next time, do they remember? No.

I could go on and rant and rave about my students, but I think I am going to stop here before I give myself a bigger headache than I already have because of this cold/flu/illness/something. I am honestly not at all sure of what I have anymore - but I do know that I am probably still contagious and therefore should not go to class for at least one more day. Tomorrow I will go to class, tomorrow is another day. Maybe tomorrow I will feel better about my students perfomance. Maybe tomorrow my students will do well on the quiz that I would have given them on Monday if it had not been for the fact that I was sick.

Maybe tomorrow things will be better. Maybe I will be feeling more than just a wee bit better.

Changing Over

Recently, I got a new haircut. But is that the only news I have? Is it ever?

It seems that we're all in a state of change, much like the seasons. I have, finally, come down with my winter season illness. I get sick every fall/winter and I was expecting it to come eventually, but now it is in full force and I did not go to work earlier today.

I really wish I could have gone to work, I really honestly do because I hate feeling like I didn't get my fair share of work done. I also hate feeling this crappy, but that has almost nothing to do with it.

Our insurance cards are still not in, which means it is virtually impossible for me to get a Doctors appointment and get better medication than I could get over-the-counter. But I have stocked up on my winter essentials, Vicks Vapor-rub, Nyquil, Tissues, Cough Drops, etc. - so that is very good.

I am constantly tired, mostly because this illness is wearing down on me, but it partially also (I think) has to do with the fact that I have run myself down. It is only half-way through the semester and I have finally crashed, which is not good. My throat feels like a razor has gone through it and stripped it clean and my nose feels like Niagra Falls - is this how my body breaks down? There is so much pressure to do well and to complete everything, turn everything in on time and do everything efficiently, but am I cut out for this?

I guess most people who teach ask themselves, every once in a while - am I doing a good job? I suppose anyone in any job should be asking themselves this question. That is, if they care about their performance. Since I am in this profession for the long haul, I do sincerely care about my students' performance but does this translate into killing myself over grading their papers? Does this translate into not getting my own work done? Not getting enough sleep and not having enough energy to go up and down the stairs into my apartment (I live on the 3rd floor)?

I am a little stressed out over what classes to take next semester. It turns out that I have been cut a new one, what I mean to say is that I may not be able to take a course I need to take next semester. I will be submitting (I know, I'm a slacker) my final transcript into the graduate college and I will see if they will accept my credits such that I can take this course, but who knows what will happen and whether or not everything will be taken care of before early registration starts later this month?

I wonder sometimes about my students, do they go into early registration assuming they are going to pass this course? Do they sign up for the next course already? Some of them, unfortunately, do not have a prayer - they have not performed well enough on the previous exams to be able to go on to the next course. While they have not asked me whether or not they should sign up for the next course I am a bit apprehensive about answering that particular question. For one, I am not supposed to give registration advice. It is against our "code of honor" I guess you could say. We have been cautioned that this is a particularly rocky road to go down, but does this mean if a student asks me if they have a chance of passing I should say "no" if that is the answer?

I am afraid they will give up if they know the truth. I can tell from their second exam grade whether or not they will do well enough to pass. Some of them have brought their grades up enough to warrant a possible passing grade, but some of them have not worked hard enough to do this. Actually, I should not say that. I have some students that show up to every lecture, but I believe they are so not enamored with mathematics that these feelings reflect themselves upon their work. Since they have defeated themselves internally, there is nothing that I can do to help them. It makes me sad, honestly, that their grades are not improving, or at least I should say not improving enough.

I am sure that other TAs, professors, lectures, disseminators of mathematical knowledge, have these concerns. So, I ask - what do you say to a student who asks you about their performance and the news is not very pleasant?

[Update: Some of you may have noticed we have switched to the new Blogger Beta, the labels/categories are very exciting! I hope to update some of the older posts soon.]