Midterms!!!

So we're in the middle of Midterm Madness at school.  The 1st Quarter ends on Tuesday and my students are psyching up for their midterms.  Well, maybe psyching up is an over-exaggeration.  Freaking out maybe?  So I took this opportunity to... well, teach my students a lesson.

This is my first year at a new school and although I really love it, I'm not sure I feel as effective as I could be.  It could be that I'm just tough on myself.  I feel like math is accessible for everyone and that given the correct set of circumstances anyone can learn it if they put some effort into it.

Well, no surprise to teachers out there - some of my students have been sitting back, coasting in the process of their learning, not really applying themselves,  So I decided to shake it up a bit.

Every student took 1 piece of paper, folded it hot dog and hamburger until they had quarter pieces of paper.  Then, we looked at the Chapter 1 and Chapter 2 questions and students were asked to write questions they had on one of their quarter pages.  These problems were taped on the board and either I or students who knew how to do them did them.  We had some music playing, students were up and out of their seats solving problems and the tempo was very productive.  Our 2nd day of review followed the same format but with a topic list so they were more focused with their question-asking.

I think this strategy was more effective at getting students to do problems on the board than anything else I've tried this year.  I want students to get into the habit of explaining things to each other and making sense of math but there seems to be an inverse relationship between mathematical confidence and actual confidence in my class.

Any suggestions on other strategies you use to get students to explain math to each other?  I want students to be engaged in our activities and for students to become more confident about their math abilities.

Observation Day!

New school, new challenges.  My year is going pretty well.  Today was the day of my 1st formal observation (ahhh!) and I like to go big so I kept going back and forth about how I wanted to approach today.

Originally I was thinking Gallery Walk, then I started thinking some sort of Pass-the-Problem strategy.  Originally I wanted them to solve the problems, then the bank I pulled problems out of was waaaaay too much for my students and I was only giving 4 minute rounds.

So today ended up being an informal assessment of how they did on what was in front of them.  What was nice was that I was able to sit down with just about every single student/group and work on things with them - which I feel like I do not do often enough.

This was also the first time I actually ended up using musical cues (Thanks Matt Vaudrey!) in my class.  I really liked how it moved things along and it put a smile on my evaluators face in the end (go Bonanza as the clean-up song!).  Also, my students recommended a few other songs that I will have to preview, cut down and see if I can use for different transitions.

Since I've moved to a different school and did not have a lot of help with decorating my classroom I have been putting it together piece by piece throughout the year.  I feel like it's very blank and I become very sad that it's not as bright and cheery as my middle school classroom (although I am teaching high schoolers now so that may be too much for them).  But being observed makes you worry about all the little things - where my classroom is lacking, where am I lacking, what kind of lesson should I put together, etc., and I am so very glad that it is over.

Tomorrow is the debrief, so we'll see how I ended up doing at the end of that 0_o.  Cross your fingers and wish me luck!

Week... 6?

So we're about to begin a new week and the students should either just be receiving their progress reports or will receive them this week at home. 

Progress reports are always nerve-racking for teachers (I think) because you never know how parents will react. They could rally behind you and help you push their children to do more or they could really get upset and flood the office with phone calls about "why wasn't I notified earlier that my child is failing?"... Which is what a progress report really is... But anyways. Planning, grading, planning, more grading and so the cycle continues. 

What's the plan for your week? 

Grading Woes

Ugh.  One of the absolutely worst parts of teaching math = grading papers :(.

It's one of the worst parts of the job because not only do you have to review the same question anywhere from 20-120 times (sometimes even more) but you also have to relive the same mistakes over and over and over again...

How many times can I write the same comment about negative exponents?  It's obvious to me that you didn't understand it when I taught it, what makes me believe that you will (a) read my comments and (b) actually pay attention to them so that you improve before the summative assessment at the end of the chapter/section/semester/program?

Sometimes (very rarely) I feel like grading can be gratifying.  I feel like when I chunk assessments into little tiny portions then it can actually be ok.  In small chunks I feel like students can be successful, but that's not life.  Life is not going to give you breaks because you feel "bored" (a comment a parent made about their own child!  When they work on something they get "bored" and need 10-15 minute breaks 0_o.  Um... no.).

At least there are some students out there paying attention to what is happening in the classroom, right?

What do you to engage students?  What do you do in order to make sure they pay attention to all the important details and are successful on assessments?  (Not meant to be a discussion on "success" and what that really means, but I'm asking what do you do to help students do better on tests specifically.)

Well, back to my grading pile.  Leave some thoughts/echoes below :).

Summer Classroom (and Bedroom) Organization

So here I am, up really early this morning, and waiting to spend a day at the movies with my boyfriend and all I can think about is what I am going to do with this tower of plastic drawers I have taking up space in my closet.

At my school, the end of the school year results in packing up (practically) your entire room and "removing your personal items".

I fully understand why administration requires us to do so but sometimes I believe that what they ask us to do is a bit counter-intuitive to the process of actually teaching.  When you teach you are required to set up a classroom community, make learning fun and engaging and still get students to master the content standards.  Oh and if they were missing some blocks of foundational knowledge - fill those too.  Let''s not forget about all of the social and emotional growth that is packed into the year as well.  The job is overwhelming, demanding and thankless.

But in between all of that I keep coming back year after year.  I digress.

Anyways, so I pack up my stuff, put some in storage and bring some home.  My own bedroom... full :(.  Up until yesterday I could barely get around most of my stuff, let alone sort it.  So yesterday I pulled it out, started to organize stacks of it.  My boyfriend even helped shred documents that needed shredding :).  It felt good to get rid of a lot of clutter.

But as I'm putting away some hanging items I keep bumping into this 6 drawer plastic storage unit that is taking up a dramatic amount of space in my bedroom.

So here's what I *have* figured out this morning: I want to take it to my classroom and use it there.

1st Drawer:  Grading Pens, Highlighters, etc.

2nd Drawer:  Tape (Scotch Tape, Blue Painters Tape, etc.

3rd Drawer:  Staplers, Paper Clips, Binder Clips,

4th Drawer:  Magnets

5th Drawer:  Not sure

6th Drawer:  Not sure

Any ideas about what I should put into the last 2 drawers?  I guess they should be items that I don't intend to use that often...

Summer Bucket List 2013 - Part 1

In my infinite journeys I have, for some time, neglected writing here :(.  No more, I say.  I am making it a point to get back to blog writing and refocus myself on... well, myself.  

In that spirit, I am going to "enroll" myself and my current boyfriend in the Summer Bucket List Challenge.  I think it will be fun and I think I can keep myself "busy" with all of the in's and out's of doing this on a budget.  Anyone who has read this blog in the past knows that I am a math-minded individual and thus often focus on my own budget.  (Update: since last postings I have paid off my car and am only a few months away from potentially paying off 2, yes 2, credit cards!  Yay!) 

SO, what is the Summer Bucket List Challenge you may ask?  It is a way to make your summer the "best summer ever".  I have to admit, I like the idea of a structure or routine and still having a bit of randomness hidden in there.  Some of the ideas are a bit crafty, which may not be up my boyfriends alley, but I am a very crafty person and I like the idea of taking some of the items on others' lists and making them my own.  I also like the idea of making things so that they help me out in my own classroom next year :) (let's kill 2 birds with 1 stone why don't we?).  

I did find a post on how to make your own Summer Bucket List which I found very interesting.  I've been using that list as a springboard for making my own list.  I do like categorizing different list-items by time because I will be teaching during part of the summer so for 4 weeks I will have a limited amount of time to spend on this and that - as fun as they may be.  

SO, in my next post I will be revealing what I have found to put on my Summer Bucket List.  Are you up for the challenge?  Will you join me in making this summer the best summer ever?  

Oh and did I mention they do some giveaways too?  Make sure to sign-up (it seems like you have to sign-up every week) for their giveaways.  Also, some of the products that are giveaways also have special deals.  I'm kind of psyched about the first giveaway as a potential Valentine's day gift for next year (and I'd get some shopping done in the mean-time!).  Total time-saver, don't you think?  Yay for summer!  

Summer Blues

Ok, so I'm trying to discipline myself. Not in the kinky way, no. I mean discipline myself to doing certain things every day.

My parents didn't exactly expect me to do my bed every morning (ok, so that wasn't really an expectation at all) or take care of dishes or anything. I wasn't spoiled by any means, but they figured if I wasn't going to follow in their footsteps all I could focus on was school. At least that's how I remember it.

I guess I helped my mom in the kitchen here and there, but my self-discipline isn't exactly oozing out of my pores if you know what I'm saying. Yes, I'm saying that I'm lazy. Everyone is allowed a day here or there to be lazy but I think I'm taking it to extremes here.

Things I have to do (in no particular order):

• Laundry-related items (washing, drying, folding, PUTTING AWAY - it's a puzzle to me why putting away laundry is where things break down for me.)
• Helping my boyfriend out with his resume.
  
• Organizing recipes into a binder for me to more easily use.
• Separating out things that are supposed to go to school in a box so I can take them to school tomorrow.
  
• Organizing my financial files (bills, statements, etc.).
• Organizing my purse.
  

I bet you've noticed by now that a lot of these items have to do with organizing my space. It's not for lack of things to do/organize but I'm just feeling lazy. Maybe putting this list out into cyber-space will make it so that I am more inclined to do it. Maybe. Hopefully I'll be reminded to come back later and update :).

Hasta luego,
- V.

Fruit & Spinach Smoothie

A friend of mine gave me this recipe for a smoothie, so I wanted to put it in a place I wouldn't lose it (because I've already lost it several times) :D.

2 cups freshly squeezed orange juice
2 bananas
1 bag of organic frozen strawberries
1 cup of frozen organic blueberries
3-4 handfuls of organic spinach

This makes 4 servings or 2 quarts of smoothie.

Random Thoughts

Ok, so the journey I'm taking right now (in case you hadn't heard I graduated from Graduate School, moved to CA and now am teaching middle school math) is centered around the dating world... it's a scary place. Full of intrigue, mistakes, happiness and sadness.

But because of one website I'm using (yes I tend to meet people online) I'm reading some journals and found some quotes/thoughts that are interesting to debate so I'm putting them here in hopes of debating them through the blog-o-sphere :).

Interesting thought 1:

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction." - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Oh I love this quote. I had never heard it before but there's this 1 guy that I am dating that is very romantic and in fact does this to me all the time! He "gazes" into my eyes... but I'll catch him, say "what!?!" and he says "nothing" - ALL THE TIME. It's gotten to a point where it's rather annoying actually. I've told him to stop doing it and he continues to do it. I'd rather just chill with someone instead of staring. Can we all be honest and admit that gazing is a euphemism for staring? I want to be appreciated yes, but for more than what I look like.

Interesting thought 2:

"I prefer women with whom I have enough in common that certain things MATTER to her. That she would not want a man who didn’t have them. Ironic as it may seem, I would PREFER a woman who discriminates about the things I want her to discriminate about--that she would not have chosen me if I didn't have them. I would choose that kind of woman over one who could go either way on those topics, because that is when it is most obviously apparent that her values coincide with mine."

Ok, so I'm totally responding to this idea. It's not my original idea but I like this idea and I wanted to expand/contemplate it (and save it of course) so I thought I'd put it here.

So I like this in that, well, there *are* certain things that matter to everyone. Certain things *are* a big deal and hence are deal-breakers. Those are the things you shouldn't budge on and the things that narrow down your search about who you want to spend the rest of your life with.

For example, bad spelling and grammar bother me. I'm not going to say that I'm an English professor or that I know every single nuance of the English language. BUT I do know when to use apostrophes, commas and periods. I also know how to spell most words and can usually look at a word and tell when it is misspelled. So I'm not looking for an English major by any means but if English is your primary (and only) language then please know how to use it. I don't mind some silly broken speech but it shouldn't be the way you communicate all the time.

Interesting thought 3:

"... I think that a great mistake a lot of people make... is not valuing oneself enough. Not enough to save your heart for the right person.

"... your heart is like a precious vase, sitting on the mantelpiece over the fireplace. When it gets broken, it's as though somebody walked past and carelessly knocked it over. It falls on the ground, broken into pieces. So, you pick it up, put the pieces back together again, glue it together as best you can, to resemble the original.

"All young people love easily, but not all young people have good judgement. As a wise man once said "Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment". And of course, nobody is perfect. So....they fall in love again, their heart gets broken again--and they try to pick up the pieces again, as they did before.

"However, every time that happens, a tiny little broken shard is not found. It never makes it back to the original, with the rest of the pieces. And when that happens repeatedly, many shards are lost over time. Finally, when you find the one, and you want to fill it up--when you finally want to feel something for this amazing person...you find that it won't hold anything, because it all runs out through all the little holes that were left, from each of the lost and forgotten shards.

"Now, I have great faith in the future. I was taught that the mark of a winner is to be able to make lemonade when life gives you lemons. I have every confidence that between me and the Man Upstairs, it will be in even better than new condition by the time He sends me the one He has in mind for me. Having said that, the least I can do, if I want His help, is to be a little pickier than I have been in the past, as to which women I share it with."

I don't know that anyone can read that and not say "wow"... it's a wonderful analogy. The next thought that I had when I read that story was... how many people have I let break my vase? I don't mean that in a crude way, I mean that in a very literal sense. I've been in my fair share of relationships. Ok, my friends know me as a serial dater or serial relationship person. I unfortunately do often make my love life the center of my life and I know that I have such large career/life aspirations that I really need to stop making love (or lust) the center of my universe.

So... I think (and I say this probably at least once a month) I'm going to take a hiatus from dating. Center on myself. It's probably better to do that right now because (1) I've been talking to a few people that I want to see where just talking for now will go, (2) the school year is going to be starting soon and I want to focus on my students for a while and (3) I do actually need to focus on myself for right now.

Thoughts? Questions? Ideas?

I will probably be blogging much more often now. I think I need someone to talk to ;). Share my journey with me?

Success and Tests

I'm so sad that I hadn't replied to this comment earlier 0_o. As it turns out, I didn't not fail the course. I did poorly, but did not fail (I always make mountains out of mole hills so it figures).

I think that a lot of the essence of this post has to do with my idea of success. In most schools students are graded on an A-F system. It isn't always about personal growth/progress but about how you measure up to whatever standard was set. I'm not saying standards are bad, but they don't catch the whole picture.

I have almost always been an academian and to that end have always made grades my measure of success.

Is this bad? Not always.

The A-F system of measurement has it's merits and it's faults. First of all, just to be a decent person you don't have to be good at everything. Now, I'm not saying that you should be happy with A's in some subject and F's in another subject. That is not my point. But people don't get Ph.D.'s in everything for a reason. Just because you are good at math doesn't mean you should ignore other subjects but I doubt there are many people that could be considered a research mathematician *and* a Shakespearean scholar.

To back up a little bit to the initial question posed by the comment "Would you have felt better if you did not fail class? If so, then who controls your feelings? You, or the coincidence of passing or failing a test?" No, I would not feel great about failing a class but that is because I often measure my own success through academic achievements. I do control my feelings to a degree (I mean, if someone hits me I will feel pain and I can't really control that). But I do hope that students feel something when they fail an exam.

I am not saying that failing students should be used as punishment. But there should be some sort of reflection process.

From the teachers standpoint:

• Did a lot of students fail the exam?


• Was the exam fair? Too difficult? Too easy? Too tricky?


• If I was taking this exam and had been a student in my class, would I have passed?


• Has this student improved over the course of this class or stayed stagnant?

From the students' standpoint:

• Was this a good performance for me?


• Did I study/prepare for the exam?


• Was my head in the game? i.e., Did I really try?

There are many factors, some from a "self" perspective, that will influence how one performs on an exam. If you had a good nights sleep, good nutrition, stress levels, and all sorts of other factors.

I may be a "high-achiever" but that doesn't mean I've never failed a test before. But the question I usually have after an exam is whether or not (a) I was prepared and/or could have prepared better and (b) if I thought the exam was fair.

One thing instructors (at least as far as I have found) confuse is the idea of a good exam. In math, yes everything builds on itself. But is it really fair to ask a student to recall knowledge from 2 or 3 courses back and not give them a heads up? Should students taking an abstract algebra course be required to remember pre-cal from long ago? Maybe, but maybe not. Courses should, to some degree, be self-contained. Everything students need to pass should be right out in front of them. It should be an example in the book or something. Don't blind-side students by pulling mathematical structures/problems out of a magic hat. If your book only has theorems, don't ask students for examples without giving them a second reference book that you recommend.

A lot of this comes down to having clear expectations for students. If you want your class to go to the library every day and read out of 10 different abstract algebra books then say so and don't leave it up to ambiguity. Sometimes I wonder if instructors really want students to fail their exams - but I really don't think that is the case. It's not always the teachers' fault and it's not always the students' fault. Sometimes it's neither parties fault! But those aren't the cases I'm talking about.

With fair assessments (sometimes I have had these and sometimes I have not) then I think students *should* reflect on their own practices. But without fair assessments then it is difficult for students to ante-up to their own responsibility and carry the course. An instructor shouldn't assume that because 1 student gets 100% the assessment is fair but I understand the pull away from making assessments too easy as well. It's definitely a hard balance to strike.

Now to make you (the reader's) reflect: What are your thoughts? Should a student feel bad (at least ever so slightly) when they fail? Should instructors/teachers/professors look more closely at their exams?

Back Again

Ok, this time I'm serious. Nothing is going to stop me from posting at least a few times a week. I've made a secret (not-so-secret) goal of posting twice a day but we'll see how long that happens. A few times a week sounds more realistic for me.

So, in the last (almost) year a lot has happened but I will regale you with the most recent:

• Today I am running Day 2 of Week 3 of Couch Potato to 5K.


• I am growing chives :), although not the most exciting news in the world I should really take a picture so you can see how cute and grass-like they have become.


• Last but not least: I think I am taking this blog in a slightly different direction than before.

To comment on the last one, I think I want to make this blog my "home to various edu-links". I really do think this will benefit you and me... well, some of you (readers). I don't think it will keep me from ranting every once in a while about something that upsets me, but I do think it will give me a task and keep me on some sort of mission.

Yes, this is kind of like my mission statement: "Will give readers more fabulous content and less personal gibberish" - sounds good, doesn't it? That's the draft I came up with this morning. Maybe this afternoon I'll feel a little differently.

Happy Birthday to Me

/discuss :)

I will post an update to this later today, already at 8:42 am there have been some interesting things that have happened to me today and some interesting things planned. I also have some Birthday ranting to do, but I will leave all of this to a time when I am not rushing out the door to go to work.

Hope you guys (the readers) have a great day, I know my day will be... interesting...

I <3 Mambo

Well, I do love to dance but I am actually talking about Math Teacher Mambo a new blog I found via my Google Reader.

I've been using my Google Reader to help me look for jobs on Craigslist because I am graduating in August and moving to CA. Yes, after a long hiatus I am moving back home. Not to live with my Dad (although I love him, no I cannot stay there) but to stake my own claim and be by myself. After all of the divorce stuff I really need a change.

But, this is a very entertaining blog and I'm certain to put it on my sidebar (once this week ends). Finals are almost over, I've given all of mine and found out that one of my finals has been changed to a Take-Home Exam... Take-Home = (usually) much more difficult than anything they could have given in class so I'm afraid to open it.

My flight takes off tomorrow for CA for a couple of weeks so I guess I'll just be LaTeXing it over the weekend. Horray for a wasted weekend... Especially since this will be my first "fun" weekend in a while.

Must go into the office and turn in a million and a half things before I leave and grade finals and get final grades input into the computer. Let's see how they did on the final and what those grades turn out as.

So... on that note I think I'll head on over to school and work on some Combinatorics and Complex Analysis. I must pull off miracles today so that I can leave tomorrow with a good peace of mind.

Do you feel lucky punk?

Just something fun to watch, I thought I'd post it because I kind of liked it.

It almost makes me think of things I would like to say to my students, but then I think about how much stress they must be under and how serious they are trying to take my class... ok, so maybe I'm day-dreaming. But I really am trying to be nice they just are not reciprocating.

More on that later, for now watch action movie lines:

Changing Education?

Just a quick response to an article I read on The Apple...

The article entitled "Wanted: A few bad teachers" is a quick report about a campaign lead by Rick Berman from the Center for Union Facts. This particular campaign intends to pay "bad" teachers $10k to leave the profession...

Now, a few essential questions come to mind when I think about this particular issue:

1. What makes a "bad" teacher?


2. Who judges whether or not a teacher is "bad"?


3. Are the teachers being forced out of their positions, or will they just be "encouraged" with the $10k and asked by their district to leave (surely the bad publicity will also be encouragement but, I don't know if they are "outting" teachers with this or not)?


4. Will this really improve education? Is this the big problem?

Now, to explore each of these questions would probably require at least 1 post each. So I encourage you to respond to my comments, although a big fragmented right now, so that we can start a dialogue about this issue.

1. What makes a "bad" teacher?


This question is hard to answer. According to what I gathered from the Blog from the Center for Union Facts called Labor Pains, and some of their other statements, it seems that a bad teacher is judged by their student performance on standardized tests.

I think most educators are in education because they want to do good. They want to positively impact education. Since everyone is working towards a common goal then why not support the goal and use unions as a tool to expand your goal? If what you really care about is education, as Mr. Berman claims then why not put the funds towards a teacher enrichment program or educational development?

Oh, I know why. Because it is the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset that we are dealing with here. A fixed mindset assumes that "smart" people or "good workers" are that way because they are already that way. They will always and forever to continue to be that way because they are "smart" or "good" (whatever each of those words means...). But a growth mindset (which is what we base all of our educational system on) says that a person can grow to have the attributes they want to have, such as being "smart" or "good".

So, although education says that students can learn their multiplication tables and people can grow to understand history and the rules of the English language, if a person is a bad teacher then they will continue to be a bad teacher and should leave the profession.

I get it, make education cut-throat like industry and maybe we will attract better teachers because if you are a "bad" teacher then you don't belong there.

I will admit that there are some people who have a magic touch. There are those individuals who really bring a subject to life with their enthusiasm and there are those who can really explain things to everyone. But, not everyone in a classroom is like that. Not everyone who is effective is like that.

I asked a friend of mine what he thought about this article and I asked him why he thought Mr. Berman did not put the $100,000 towards teacher development. He told me that teacher development is already attended by the good teachers. But don't all teachers have to log in a certain amount of hours of in-service and professional development? I was always under the impression that they did.

Mathematically speaking, the number of teachers in the world is a finite set indexed by the natural numbers. By the Well-Ordering Principle there must be a least element, often named the "bad" teachers. Yes, students in the US are not competing in the global market the way they should be but if you take out the "bad" teachers and don't have new people to fill those spots because everyone is afraid of being labeled a "bad" teacher (because new people make mistakes more often since they are still learning what to do and what not to do in a classroom) then that increases class sizes. Increased class sizes certainly do not help students (which wasn't classroom size one of the main issues that teacher unions protect which Mr. Berman's agency is against?) because they do not get as much individual attention.

I could go on, but I really want to know what you (the readers) think about this. More posts on this issue will come later. For now, I have to study for my last comprehensive examination (Algebra). Have a great day and post lots of comments so the dialogue can commence!

Fear of Failure

Who wants to fail? I mean, seriously - who *wants* to fail a class?

Sometimes I wonder this about my students. There are those that show up every single day and will only miss in the case of a real emergency, turn in all the homework, do ok on the quizzes and pretty average on the tests - they will pass on to the next course. Then there are those who have spotty attendance, turn in some homework and do pretty badly on all the exams and near the final they wonder why they are not going to pass.

I realize that I have given 2 very blanket characterizations of students, but to your surprise I am (for once) not talking about my own students.

Yes, I am talking about myself. I had a class this term that became the back-burner for everything else. Well, when I think about it I think this happened with 2 of my courses - and I was only taking 3! My personal life has, yet again, become the center of my universe. The divorce is almost complete, I got the papers from the lawyer but she saves everything as a .docx (stupid Microsoft Vista... grrr...) so I will need to convert the file before I do anything. My second job has been completed, it really was a kind of contract work, so now (at the end of the first week of finals) I am able to really concentrate on my coursework... too little too late for Analysis. So I am expecting a failing grade in this course.

Now, I know this is my fault. Especially since somewhere in the semester I adopted an awful phrase to comment on how useless/idiotic/stupid I felt when it came to Analysis.

Although I cannot take my own advice, I always tell my students that attitude has almost just as much to do with success as ability when it comes to mathematics. When you go in with the attitude that a lot of work can have a really good pay-off then almost any problem can be tackled (or at least for the level my students are at and even the level I am at). So, what is the problem?

For students that put anything personal in front of academics there is a big problem. How can you effectively work on mathematics when your mind is elsewhere? Unless you are doing (and this is totally subjective according to the problem-solver) mindless problems then you cannot expect a good result from spending "hours" studying if you are not really there mentally.

In effect, earlier in the semester I was afraid of failing because I had never really failed myself like this. But the strict deadline I had for myself and the timeline I was looking at was unrealistic for my life circumstances. I need time to process all of the things that have gone on in my life and time to really develop my life the way I want it to be. I need time to grow up.

Does it seem a little ridiculous for someone who was married to ask for time to grow up? I do not think so. Sometimes we do rush into decisions. We make the best decision with the time and resources available to us. For me, it was the best decision at the time I made it with the information I had. But, I do not have to justify my decision to anyone except for myself.

Currently, I had been banging my head against the wall trying to do more than I realistically could get done in any reasonable amount of time. I over-booked myself to deal with my pain. I couldn't break down and cry for days at a time if I always had things to do. This is my coping mechanism - being busy. But I don't always have to be busy with things that will burn me out.

I am going to take things easy next semester, drop down to 2 classes instead of taking 3 and really take things at a good pace. This will give me time to look over the material carefully, really plan things out well for myself and see where things end up. I *might* stay at 3 classes and take an undergraduate analysis class so that I can really do well in the analysis class the 2nd time around (sigh), but I will decide on all of that in January.

Hopefully I will be able to update more during the winter break on what is going on in my life but since I am visiting my dad and he does not have a computer (or even the internet) then we will have to see.

Before I was afraid of failure, now I welcome it as a time for change for myself. I need to change the way I do things and this is the right time to do that. I need this for me. I guess, in many ways, I needed to fail.

Neat little POW site

Puzzle of the Week site for anyone who is interested.

Someone called a co-worker of mine and asked them to find someone who could do the problem :).

Hence result :).

Fake Thanksgiving

My friends and I are having "fake Thanksgiving"... with all the fixings :).

[Definition: "Fake Thanksgiving" is a Thanksgiving-like meal that does not actually fall on Thanksgiving day... so these can take place before or after Thanksgiving (Wednesday, Friday, whenever...)]

Thus far my to-do list for the day:

• Clean apartment, yikes


• Clean out fridge, double yikes


• Take out trash, good in some respects...


• Do some loads of laundry, horray for clean clothes!


• Cook (/super big smile):
  
  
  
  • Stuffing Pies
  
  
  • Cranberry Walnut Cheesecake Pie
  
  
  • Chocolate Pudding Pie
  
  
  • Fruit Salad
  
  
  • Baked Ham
  
  
  • Artichoke Spinach Dip
  
  
  • Brown n' Serve rolls, but technically these don't count
  
  
  
  


• Complete my Graph Theory Homework, due on Thursday (this week...)


• Get a good start on my analysis homework


• Work on special project so I can hand this off to the next person


• Work on thesis problem... /sigh

I think that is all on the agenda for today. Most of these tasks will not be completed *today* but they will be done eventually.

On top of "fake" Thanksgiving today some of the guys are coming over on Thanksgiving for a small dinner as well. Mostly leftovers I think, and the food I haven't cooked.

What are you doing for Thanksgiving? Besides proving theorems of course :).

Something to listen to

A very addictive music video... you may remember Bloodhouse Gang from The Bad Touch (i.e., you and me baby ain't nothing but mammals...). So yeah, here it is - don't say I didn't warn you.

I am Measure Theory, what are you?

If I were a Springer-Verlag Graduate Text in Mathematics, I would be J.L. Doob's Measure Theory. I am different from other books on measure theory in that I accept probability theory as an essential part of measure theory. This means that many examples are taken from probability; that probabilistic concepts such as independence, Markov processes, and conditional expectations are integrated into me rather than being relegated to an appendix; that more attention is paid to the role of algebras than is customary; and that the metric defining the distance between sets as the measure of their symmetric difference is exploited more than is customary. Which Springer GTM would you be? The Springer GTM Test