Indecision

Avid readers know I have been battling with a few things: applying to graduate school, planning a wedding and trying to graduate. After a long period of thought (realize I have not posted in a while), I think I have reached a resolution.

Is this a promise to myself to study hard? Unfortunately, no. This is a conclusion-type of resolution. If you see any flaws in my argument, please point them out. I would rather know I was reasoning wrongly and my decision could be flawed. Ultimately I know the decision rests on me, but I blog this morning for advice.

Ok, here is the deal. There is a local school that is not very competitive to get in to that I believe I can get accepted into. They have a MS in Math program that looks particularly attractive. I have heard from other students in other graduate programs at that same institution that while it is not very competitive, you get out of your program what you put into the program - students make the program, the program does not make the student mentality. I can live with that, and I completely subscribe to that idea. It makes sense that a lazy student could coast by thorough a MS program, but are they going to reap the benefits of the MS program? Probably not.

Well, the more I think about it the more I am unsure that I am mathematically mature enough to go straight into a Ph.D. program. I will probably always feel unprepared, even though many individuals tell me that I have the talent and drive and I know I do (I am not saying I am extremely talented, but I think I have something in me that allows me to understand mathematics more deeply than other math majors in our program and other math majors I have met from other schools), but I do not know if I really need to study more and learn more (which would be good anyways) or I should move on to a Ph.D. program right away.

Right now, I do not feel like I have a choice. I feel as though I have painted myself into a corner with my GPA and Subject Test scores. I have good general scores, which helps, and have done research and tutoring for many years. Now I have a position in the department as a sort-of-TA. I get to monitor the class progress while they work on their computers because the professor cannot look at the computer screens (it hurts her eyes). It is a little more involved than that, but if I go to Local MS program, I get to teach two beginning mathematics classes each semester (says the letter* they sent me).

I do not think it would be the worst thing in the world for me to go to this program, beef up my skills and work on my CV (teaching classes would ROCK). But am I doing myself a disservice? I do not want to think of myself as higher than something, but am I lowering my standards? I am also afraid that by going to this institution, which is known for partying on the undergraduate level**, then people will think my degree is a joke.

Is this a round-about way of getting what I want? Or is this the ideal way of going about my plan (considering my scores/GPA)? I know my professors are writing good letters of recommendation and as 2 of my recommenders have been primary research mentors and 1 of them I have done an independent study topology class with, I believe they can really speak of my ability, aptitude, and talent.

What do you think? Would it really set me back to get a MS or put me ahead of the game or really make no difference? I just do not see people accepting a small school app with holes in it. At least not some of the schools I have applied to. It is also so close to my fiance's place of residence that we would not have to move half-way across the country in our first 2 years of marriage***.

I have to go for now, but I hope to hear responses on this. I will post more later as time allows.

*NOT a letter of admission, but a letter encouraging me to apply.

** I would imagine that their reputation preceeds them mostly in the state I am in and not really outside of the state boundaries. To outside people they might just see this as a Masters degree, which shows a little more maturity. They might also see this as a person who already has TA experience, which would probably be a major plus to the type of schools I would be applying to the next time I apply.

*** Although this is not related to marriage in particular, should I go thesis option or non-thesis option? Does a masters thesis take very much extra time to complete (on average)?