Another Journey

I was browsing some blogs, again, and I came across one that really caught my eye.

"Why?" you may ask and I'd answer, because it was really uplifting and inspirational. So, if you visit My Success In Progress you will find an interesting story and something to lift your spirits.

This one quote in particular is what moved me: "I wonder what it will be like to try as hard as I can".

I don't think I've ever tried as hard as I could. One time, my old roommate and I were talking about this, the willingness to try and likeliness to try your hardest. She concluded that I, who owned the more messy side of the room, must be a perfectionist at heart. Perfectionists like things so perfect that they are unlikely to clean their mess because it could never be perfect the way they wanted it to be.

Now, I'm still not sure if that really is me or not. Mostly because I don't think I'm a perfectionist and I don't think everything should be this way or that. But, I've never tried my hardest at anything and I wonder what I could accomplish if I did.

In a conversation with my future mother in law, we discussed my grades. She thinks they are wonderful, and I see the fact that I let myself down and don't have perfect grades (they are way less than perfect, in my opinion). But what if I tried really hard at school and didn't get the 4.0 I expect from myself? What if I wasn't perfect grade material?

What we expect of ourselves says a lot about our inner character. I expect the world of myself, but I know that I don't put in nearly enough effort to get there. I let myself down, but I'm ok with disappointing myself as long as I hold up to the expectations of others. I don't like it for other people to feel disappointed in me, but I know other people that are ok with that.

Disappointment was just something that didn't happen in my family. You worked hard and you worked long to get the job done. That mostly applied to house-work and responsibilities affecting others, but I guess I just didn't apply that theory well to my academic work. I get upset at other students who expect things to come so easy to them, and students who things do come easy to, but what about myself? Do I really think I can coast like this for much longer? I already know that I was unfair to my study time for my private instruction piano class and my modern algebra class (let's not get into how many courses I think this has happened to).

So where does it end? Where do I start believing in "I wonder what it will be like to try as hard as I can"?

Today, and that'll be another journey. ;).

-V.