Game Day Recap

I do have to say, when I exited that exam I do not know what I was thinking.

For one, I should have gone over my definitions a little more thoroughly, he did ask some relatively easy definitions on the first question and for that I am thankful. But the 4th or so question had to do with giving a definition and sketching a proof and I do not know if that question was sufficiently answered.

I really cannot say how I did until I get the test back, hopefully today. Not that many people took the exam. I mean, when you start out with around 6 students and 2 students intend on dropping, how many students are going to take the exam?

So today could be a relatively good day or bad day, depending on the results of this exam. Fortunately, I will not get the exam back until the end of the day - so that is good. If I did badly I will not mention it to many other people. If I did well, it will be the main thing I talk about on Friday.

The main thing I am wondering about is, should you really compare yourself to your classmates? Personal performance is really what matters on exams, but you cannot help but wonder how you compare to the other players - right?

There is a particularly brilliant student in my class and some other hardworking students in my class, I really do not want to do badly compared to them not only because I want to do well, but if I do badly compared to the person next to me - what am I missing?

I suppose that the feeling comes from the idea that you do not want to not understand the material and if the person next to you does understand and they did perform well, why did you not understand?

Not to say that your understanding should be measured off of someone else's understanding. Those measures could be skewed by someone who has already taken a similar course, or has a special circumstance that allows them to prepare more than you (no job and no financial obligations = more study time) - why should you compare yourself to someone who has an advantage in the course?

The course where everyone believes I am a genius is one in which I have seen most of the material before. Now, the question becomes - did I really understand it? I did think that I would not understand it enough such that I felt it was necessary to register for the course, that is sure. But I did not know the material would be taught in a way that would culminate semesters worth of material for me.

The courses that I have taken that have already proven useful for this course are well over 50% of the mathematics courses I have taken, and even some philosophy courses (particularly logic). So my background may be more recent than other students and also may be more fresh in my mind, why should other students compare themselves to me?

In this particular class I do feel as though the other students treat me as infallible. Whenever I make a comment, it must be true. No matter how assinine my comment is. To be honest, I have never made an assinine comment in that class or in any of my other classes because that is not how I am. But I do get the feeling that other students treat me differently because they think I am smart, which may or may not be the case.

I have special circumstances that allow me to do well in the course, regardless of how much I study. The question becomes, do I want to do well or do I want to do better than just well in this course?

I had the option of changing my schedule very early on in the semester, I could have pushed to get all of my paperwork in order and tried to take another course that I would not have been prepared for, or taken a geometry course that sounds exciting, but would have made me stay late at school 4 days out of the week instead of the 2 days out of the week that I am staying right now.

Who knows what would have happened if I was in the other class. Maybe I would be freaking out because of the amount of work from that class and from other classes that I intend to take, but only time will tell I suppose.

For my own sake, and that of others, comparing just seems like an overall bad idea. How you do in a course should not at all be factored into by how others in the course do. Sure, you should try to study with other people and bounce ideas off of them, etc., but does that mean that you should beat yourself up because someone did better than you? Of course not. As long as your own understanding of the material is growing than that is all that matters.

I really hope I do not receive a horrible grade on this exam, that is all I really want. I want at least a passing grade. Normally, I would not say that, but I have heard this instructor is particularly rigorous. I should be excited if I get a passing grade, right? I will probably push myself harder if the grade I receive is only passing and nothing special beyond that. My sleep patterns will definitely change, as if they have not already, and I will be working harder and harder to develop the understanding that I need in order to do well in the course. Better than well - fantastic.

I am going to work on making some lesson plans for the rest of the week and, depending on how time goes, maybe even early next week. It would be nice to be ahead with my own worksheets but I am not holding my breath. Anytime I develop my own worksheet and I look at a co-workers worksheet I always find myself thinking, "hers looks better than mine" and it makes me think about all the time I spent on my worksheets (whenever I do develop worksheets).

But that is a discussion for another day I suppose.